Sunday, February 13, 2011

Celebrate when you can...

By Charmin Foth

With Valentine's Day almost upon us, I am reminded of my first Valentine's Day married to Andy.

When we met and for 8 years after Andy was a seargent in the U.S. Army. Being an Army wife wasn't always easy and sometimes it was downright hard. But the struggles we faced together made us stronger as individuals and as a couple.

Most couples find that the first year of marriage is always hard because you are getting used to one another's habits and traits. Sometimes finding common ground can seem almost impossible. That wasn't the case for us. We seemed to have that part down, we have always been able to finish each other's sentences, sometimes to the point that we read each other's thoughts and say what the other is thinking.

But, the first year Andy and I were married was still a difficult one. We were married the last day of May and in September he was sent to school for training and we were separated for a year almost to the day.

Our first Valentine's Day didn't happen on February 14th. On February 14th I was alone, working 14 hour days and I knew Andy wasn't going to get to come home during that time. We didn't have any money, so I couldn't afford to send him something expensive to let him know I was thinking of him. So, I did something a little unconventional and something I do well, I wrote him notes.

I took one of those little "while you were out" pink message pads that offices sometimes use, and for every day he was gone, I wrote a note. "While you were out... Today the dog got out and I had to chase him down the street, I wish you were here to see it." "While you were out... Today was Saturday and I had to watch cartoons without you." "While you were out... I missed you really bad today."

You get the picture. Every day I wrote one of these notes. Some days that was my only way of communicating with him and he didn't even know it. Somedays were funny, some days were mushy, some days were sad. It was just a little glimpse at how my life was going that day, set aside just for him. We had a set of French doors at the back of the house and each day taped one of those notes on the door unitl I had one big heart outlined on the door. But Andy still didn't get to come home, so I kept adding notes every day, with just little bits of how I felt while he was away. I filled in the heart with at least 100 notes.

When he finally did get to come home for a visit, he pulled into the drive and made his way in through the French doors, where all he could see from the light burning inside the house was a hundred little pink "while you were out" notes. It was one of the best Valentine's day we ever had, and it wasn't any where near Feburary 14th and it didn't cost us hundreds of dollars. I can still remember him pulling each note off the door, reading them, laughing and his eyes tearing up as he made his way through each note. He read them all and he knew I had thought of him, every single day, even when we couldn't talk. He knew he was loved and I loved him all the more for taking the time to appreciate the small stuff.

That year I learned the hard way that the Army way of life meant celebrating when you can, not by the date on the calendar. It taught me that sometimes you can be separated for what seems like an eternity, but that doesn't mean you love each other any less. And, that if you can survive the heartache of being alone, you can celebrate the joy of being together, and it makes the moments you have together that much more special. Sometimes you don't get to hear the words "I love you," when you would like, but you keep the faith that the love is still there. 

Learning these lessons made my life as an Army wife easier, they made my life better. They weren't easy lessons to learn but I thank God every day that I was able to take those lessons to heart.

So, remember to celebrate the moments of life together, when you can, not based on the calendar. It's not about the quantity of time you have together or about the quality of the gifts you receive,  it's about the quality of time you have together, the meaning of the gifts you give and the depth of the love you share.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Green Teeth

By Charmin Foth

It is almost Valentine's and everyone's thoughts turn to love. I met Andy, my hubby, 17 years ago on December 9th. At the time I didn't want a relationship. I didn't want to date, I was pretty much over romance all together. I had been in an abusive marriage for seven years and couldn't believe the person I had become in that time. 

I had lost my self esteem and my sense of who I was or what I wanted out of life. I was burned out and struggling with my faith and feeling like a failure. Years of being treated badly had led me to believe I deserved such treatment. I was just beginning to figure myself out again, thanks to the help of some great girlfriends who dragged me out of the house and into the world again. They took me to line dancing classes at the local skating rink and concerts, keeping me from drowning in self pity.

On December 9th, my friend Beth, did exactly that, she drug me out of the house. Living in Nashville at the time, there was always an opportunity for musical entertainment. On that night David Lee Murphy was playing at the Wild Horse Saloon, one of Nashville's hot, touristy spots on 2nd Avenue, and Beth suggested we go and try out our new line dancing skills. So, rather than sitting at home on a Friday night eating fish sticks and tater tots, I agreed.

When we got there, we found a table and ordered diet Cokes. Not my usual fare, I'm more a Mountain Dew connoisseur, and I know you thought I was going to say something else, but I am truly a wild woman hanging out at a saloon drinking diet Coke. Beth and I had fun people watching and dancing. The wonderful thing about line dancing is it doesn't require you to have a date, and no one has to be in your personal space. Both of which appealed to me at the time. I had a strict rule, I never slow danced with anyone. That was way too close for me.

While Beth and I were there I had noticed a cowboy in a fringed jacket, Resistol cowboy hat pulled low over his eyes, jeans and boots leaning up against the wall. He was cute, in that lone wolf kind of way. The place was packed with people and we were lucky to have a table with a pretty good view of everything. They were having a beauty contest before the concert so the dances were spread out between the contest events. The place was crawling with very pretty girls and all types of guys, trying to get their attention.

When the guys couldn't get the time of day from the pretty girls, they would begin to look around and ask the rest of us to dance. I wasn't particularly looking for a dance partner, but this young man came up to me and asked me to dance. Since it was a "Boot Scoot Boogie" it wasn't as if I had to get too close to the guy, so I said, "yes." It wasn't until he got on the dance floor, and started smiling at me, that I realized he had horrible green teeth. When he got close enough to where I could actually hear what he was trying to say, I realized he had horrible green breath to go along with it. This is exactly the reason I was against dating. UGGH!

Beth and I laughed over the green teeth once I got back to the table, and I was still keeping an eye on the cowboy holding up the wall across the way. Beth and I may have made a few comments amongst ourselves about him too.

The beauty contest continued for a little while and then they played a slow love song.  Beth and I were talking and minding our own business, when I looked up and saw "green teeth" headed straight for our table. The cowboy holding up the wall must have seen the look of sheer terror come across my face, because just before "green teeth" stepped up to ask me to dance, the cowboy stepped in front of "green teeth" and asked me to dance. In that moment the cowboy rescued me from certain awkwardness, and left "green teeth" standing there looking dazed and confused.

Much to my surprise, I said yes to the cowboy. "Green teeth" did not look happy, but I was so relieved that the cowboy was taking me in the opposite direction, I didn't care. It wasn't until I was on the dance floor that I realized I had broken my own rule. Here I was dancing close to a tall cowboy with a buzz cut, ooohh, this could be trouble.

Not wanting to waste time I figured I'd find out exactly what was wrong with this guy and then get back to the table and enjoy the rest of my evening. We exchanged names, I told him I didn't usually slow dance and apologized if I stepped on his feet. He told me if a horse could step on his feet, then me stepping on his feet wasn't anything to worry about. I found out he was a soldier at Fort Campbell. I also found out he was recently out of a bad marriage too.

I asked him at least twenty questions during the dance. I was determined I was not going to repeat the bad relationships of my past. So I had this checklist in my head and on the first wrong answer, this guy was going to be history. The only problem was, he was getting all the answers right, and from the way he answered, he seemed to be pretty honest. That was different.

I asked him if he did drugs? No. Did he drink a lot? Mountain Dew (at the time that was all I drank). Those were the big deal breakers, because I had been around those guys, and wasn't going down that road again. I asked him if he knew how to read, what was the name of the last book he read. You name it, I was straightforward, to  the point and a little obnoxious. I was sure I had put this guy off.

When the song ended, he followed me back to my table. He made me laugh and spent the rest of the evening at the table with Beth and I. He ordered a coke (they didn't serve Mountain Dew) and we talked until they closed, and he still got all the answers right. I was amazed. As he walked me to my car, he asked me out for the next night. The rest is history.

I have been with that cowboy for 17 years and I love him more every passing year. Amazingly, I owe it all to a guy with green teeth.

Isn't it amazing how God works in ways we could never imagine.

Thanks for reading.